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|Rumors & Slandering Damaging My Marriage Plan
I am 18 year old girl in love with a man. He is my first and it has been almost a year and his family does not accept me because they see me as Americanized and also because my family is not as religious as his. The only reason they feel all this is because of what some rumors are spread around about me and my family that are not true. What dua'a or duties can I do to stop all this maybe for them to give me a chance and for the rumors to stop?
Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim has to guard his tongue and avoid things that have been forbidden. Among these forbidden things which people take often lightly are gheebah (backbiting), buhtaan (slander) and nameemah (malicious gossip).
Gheebah or backbiting means speaking about a Muslim in his absence and saying things that he would not like to have spread around or mentioned. Buhtaan or slander means saying things about a Muslim that are not true, or in other words telling lies about him. Nameemah or malicious gossip means telling one person what another said in order to cause trouble between them.
There is a great deal of evidence to show that these actions are haraam. It will suffice for us to mention just a few of them in order to demonstrate that they are haraam.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful” [al-Hujuraat 49:12]
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah (backbiting) is?” They said, “Allaah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” It was said, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have backbitten about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2589
You should note that it has been proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for it is all good, and this does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2999. This hadeeth indicates that all the believer’s affairs are good, because he alternates between gratitude and patience, and there is reward in both.
You should also note that the best of people, the Messengers (peace be upon them) were slandered by their enemies. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Likewise, no Messenger came to those before them but they said: ‘A sorcerer or a madman!’” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:52]
Even our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was slandered by his enemies and accused of being a sorcerer or a madman.
Indeed, things got so bad that the hypocrites impugned his honour, but despite that he bore it all with patience and sought reward from Allaah, and he put his trust in Allaah.
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose” [al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
So you have to be patient and seek reward with Allaah, and remember that this is one of the means by which Allaah expiates your sins.
You have the right to defend yourself and establish your innocence of whatever you are accused of, and to denounce as liars those who accuse you of that; this is not regarded as the kind of gheebah (backbiting or gossip) that is forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah does not like that the evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged” [al-Nisa’ 4:148]
If you can confront the one who has accused you and advise him/her and exhort him/her to fear Allaah, that is good. Perhaps he/she will give up what he/she has been doing and that will be a cause of his/her repenting and following the straight path. Or you could send a wise person to do that.
You have to avoid situations and places that may cause doubts and suspicion, because that person may take them as a means to confirm his/her suspicions. You have to be patient and turn to Allaah, calling upon Him, and Allaah will grant you relief from what you are facing.
It is permissible for you to say du’aa’ in your prayer asking to get married to a particular man – we advise you, from a psychological point of view, not to go to extremes in thinking about this matter. Marriage is decreed by Allaah, and by His mercy to mankind He has given them ample provision and made them independent of means, and has not limited marriage to one particular man, rather He has connected it to conditions of good character and religious commitment, so when these conditions are met, the Muslim should accept it.
The Muslim who believes in the will and decree of Allaah (al-qada’ wa’l-qadar) believes that Allaah is wise in all that He commands and does, and that He may ward off from a person the bad that he wants, strives for and prays for, because He knows that the best is in something else. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know” [al-Baqarah 2:216].
The slogan of the Muslim in this matter is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in du’aa’ al-istikhaarah: “and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1162).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us Du’aa’ al-Istikhaarah, which means asking Allaah to choose for us that which is best for our religious and worldly interests in all matters, religious and worldly.
This du’aa’ was narrated by Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach us to seek guidance (istikhaarah) in all our affairs, just as he would teach us a Soorah from the Qur’aan. He said: “Whenever any one of you is concerned about a matter, let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer, then let him say: ‘Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmik, wa astaqdiruka bi qudratik, wa as’aluka min fadlik il-‘azeem. Fa innaka taqdiru wa laa aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaamu’l-ghuyoob. Allaahumma in kunta ta’lam anna [haadha’l-amr] khayrun li fi deenee wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri, faqdurhu li, wa yassirhu li, thumma baarik li fih. Wa in kunta ta’lam anna [hadha’l-amr] sharrun li fi deenee wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati ‘amri, fasrifhu ‘anni wasrifni ‘anhu waqdur li al-khayr haythu kaan. Thumma ardeeni bih (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter [ – and he should mention it here]) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the distant future, ordain it for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge (this matter [ – and he should mention it here]) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the distant future, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and ordain for me the good wherever it may be, and make me pleased with it).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1109).
We hope that this matter will not take up more space in your heart and mind than it deserves. There are many – praise be to Allaah – who are of good character and religiously committed. We ask Allaah to ordain good for you wherever it may be and to make you pleased with what He decrees for you.
Here are some Dua'a (supplications) that we advise you to print, keep handy and recite daily:
1) "O Allaah, guide me among those whom You have guided, pardon me among those whom You have pardoned, turn to me in friendship among those on whom You have turned in friendship, and bless me in what You have bestowed, and save me from the evil of what You have decreed. For verily You decree and none can influence You; and he is not humiliated whom You have befriended, nor is he honoured who is Your enemy. Blessed are You, O Lord, and Exalted. There is no place of safety from You except with You.”
2) "O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allaah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allaah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds."
3) “O Allaah, I am Your slave and the son of Your male slave and female slave. My forelock is in Your hand (i.e., You have complete mastery over me), Your command over me is forever executed, and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my chest, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.”
4) "There is no god but Allaah, the All-Great, the Patient; there is no god but Allaah, Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god but Allaah, the Lord of heaven, the Lord of earth, and the Lord of the Noble Throne."
5) "O Allaah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You."
6) "O Allaah, You are my Lord and I do not associate anything with You."
7) “There is no god but You, Glory to You; verily I was one of the wrongdoers.”
8) “O Ever-Living, O Self-Sustaining, by Your mercy I seek Your help."
9) “O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from associating anything with You knowingly, and I seek Your forgiveness for that of which I am unaware.”
10) “O Allaah, I seek refuge in You from disbelief and poverty. O Allaah, I seek refuge in You from the torment of the grave. None has the right to be worshipped except You.”
11) “O Allaah, forgive me for my sin. My ignorance and my transgression (in keeping my duty to You), and whatever You know about me better than I do. O Allaah, forgive me for sins committed in earnest and in jest, by mistake and deliberately, and I have done all of that. O Allaah, forgive me for what I have done in the past and what I will do in the future, what I have done in secret and what I have done openly, and whatever You know about me better than I do. You are the One Who raises and lowers people’s status, and You are Able to do all things.”
12) “O Allaah, You are my Lord. None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise (to You) as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.”
13) “I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from His wrath and from the evil of His slaves and from the evil promptings of the devils and from their presence.”
And Allaah knows best.
Question Date: 2011-12-11
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