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| Treatment for One Who is Unable to Have Intercourse With His Wife |
Question:
I have been married for 4 years now but my husband have some erectile dysfunctions due to that we hardly get intimate. He is not willing to get himself checked. As a Muslim women I know my boundaries but as a human being I want to have that relatioship as well. I feel really bad at times thinking that I am married but living a life of unmarried women. What would you suggest for me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Both spouses have the right to enjoy one another however they wish, so long as they avoid menstruation and the back passage. There is nothing wrong with him masturbating you by hand and vice versa.
Your desire not being fulfilled may be dealt with by speaking frankly with your husband and by each side being open and honest with the other, by each of them being aware of his or her responsibility and by both of them being eager to achieve happiness, tranquillity and love. Many husbands neglect the wife’s rights with regard to intimacy and fulfilment of desire, and this usually stems from ignorance about women’s nature and their differences from men with regard to this action. Speaking frankly, trying to deal with the matter and reading some books on this topic all play a major role in setting things straight, in sha Allaah. If the woman has the habit of masturbating, that may make her lose interest in her husband and she may not feel any desire for intercourse, or it may not be enough to satisfy her. This is one of the harmful effects of masturbation that has been mentioned by specialists.
This problem is usually due to two main reasons:
1 – The husband’s not understanding the problem or not having any interest in solving it after he finds out about it. Hence the way to deal with it is to be frank about it, in a way that will not hurt his feelings or spoil his enjoyment. Perhaps as time goes by you will find an opportunity to tell him, in an appropriate manner, so that you will not be forced to resort to something haraam and you will be able to enjoy that which Allaah has permitted for you.
2 – It may be due to the nature of the husband or wife, in terms of strength or weakness of desire. This can be dealt with by natural means, medication or psychological preparation and doing that which will increase love, and the most important is the wish of each spouse to fulfil the desire of the other.
Firstly:
The Muslim should regard these trials and tribulations that he/she faces as something good from Allaah and a mercy, by means of which Allaah expiates his/her sins and raises him/her in status, and tests his/her patience and faith thereby. He/she should always bear in mind the words of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him/her, he/she gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him/her, he/she bears it with patience, and that is good for him/her. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).
Secondly:
What your husband afflicted with may be caused by the devils among the jinn, either by means of witchcraft or by mass (the “touch” of the jinn). The remedy for that is simple, in sha Allah, and it is done by reciting ruqyahs prescribed in sharee’ah. The scholars have stated that if a man is unable to have intercourse with his wife, he may be treated by means of the following ruqyah:
He should take seven green lotus leaves and grind them with a stone or the like, put them in a vessel and pour water over them, enough to do ghusl with, and recite over them the following:
1- Soorat al-Faatihah.
2- Aayat al-Kursiy, which is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allaah! Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), Al-Hayyul-Qayyoom (the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists). Neither slumber nor sleep overtakes Him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. Who is he that can intercede with Him except with His Permission? He knows what happens to them (His creatures) in this world, and what will happen to them in the Hereafter. And they will never compass anything of His Knowledge except that which He wills. His Kursiy {Footstool) extends over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. And He is the Most High, the Most Great” [al-Baqarah 2:255].
3- Verses from Soorat al-A’raaf, namely (interpretation of the meaning):
“[Fir‘awn (Pharaoh)] said: ‘If you have come with a sign, show it forth, if you are one of those who tell the truth.’
107. Then [Moosa (Moses)] threw his stick and behold! it was a serpent, manifest!
108. And he drew out his hand, and behold! it was white (with radiance) for the beholders.
109. The chiefs of the people of Fir‘awn (Pharaoh) said: ‘This is indeed a well-versed sorcerer;
110. ‘He wants to get you out of your land, so what do you advise?’
111. They said: ‘Put him and his brother off (for a time), and send callers to the cities to collect —
112. ‘That they bring to you all well-versed sorcerers.’
113. And so the sorcerers came to Fir‘awn (Pharaoh). They said: ‘Indeed there will be a (good) reward for us if we are the victors.’
114. He said: ‘Yes, and moreover you will (in that case) be of the nearest (to me).’
115. They said: ‘O Moosa (Moses)! Either you throw (first), or shall we have the (first) throw?’
116. He [Moosa (Moses)] said: ‘Throw you (first).’ So when they threw, they bewitched the eyes of the people, and struck terror into them, and they displayed a great magic.
117. And We revealed to Moosa (Moses) (saying): ‘Throw your stick,’ and behold! It swallowed up straight away all the falsehood which they showed.
118. Thus truth was confirmed, and all that they did was made of no effect.
119. So they were defeated there and returned disgraced.
120. And the sorcerers fell down prostrate.
121. They said: ‘We believe in the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists).
122. ‘The Lord of Moosa (Moses) and Haaroon (Aaron)’”
[al-A’raaf 7:106-122]
4- Verses from Soorat Yoonus, namely (interpretation of the meaning):
“And Fir‘aun (Pharaoh) said: ‘Bring me every well-versed sorcerer.
80. And when the sorcerers came, Moosa (Moses) said to them: ‘Cast down what you want to cast!’
81. Then when they had cast down, Moosa (Moses) said: ‘What you have brought is sorcery, Allaah will surely make it of no effect. Verily, Allaah does not set right the work of Al‑Mufsidoon.
82. ‘And Allaah will establish and make apparent the truth by His Words, however much the Mujrimoon may hate (it)’”
[Yoonus 10:79-82]
5- Verses from Soorat Ta-Ha, namely (interpretation of the meaning):
“They said: ‘O Moosa (Moses)! Either you throw first or we be the first to throw?’
66. [Moosa (Moses)] said: ‘Nay, throw you (first)!’ Then behold! their ropes and their sticks, by their magic, appeared to him as though they moved fast.
67. So Moosa (Moses) conceived fear in himself.
68. We (Allaah) said: ‘Fear not! Surely, you will have the upper hand.
69. ‘And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician’s trick, and the magician will never be successful, to whatever amount (of skill) he may attain”
[Ta-Ha 20:65-69]
6- Soorat al-Kaafiroon
7- Soorat al-Ikhlaas and al-Mi’wadhatayn, which are Soorat al-Falaq and Soorat al-Naas (each to be recited three times).
8- Some du’aa’s that are prescribed in sharee’ah, such as “Allaahumma Rabb al-naas, adhhib il-ba’s, washfi anta al-Shaafi laa shifaa’a illa shifaa’uka shifaa’an laa yughaadir saqaman (O Allaah, Lord of mankind, remove the harm and heal him, for You are the Healer and there is no healing except Your healing, with a healing which does not leave any disease behind)” three times. If he recites along with that the words “Bismillaah arqeeka min kulli shay’in yu’dheeka, wa min sharri kulli nafsin aw ‘aynin haasid Allaah yashfeek, bismillaah arqeek (In the name of Allaah I perform ruqyah for you, from every thing that is harming you, from the evil of every soul or envious eye may Allaah heal you, in the name of Allaah I perform ruqyah for you)” three times, that is good.
End quote from Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) (8/144).
It is also important for both of you to keep worshipping Allaah and to keep away from sin, and to always read Qur’aan and remember Allaah, such as reciting the dhikrs that were narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for morning and evening, when starting to eat and drink and after finishing them, when going out of the house and entering the house, when going to sleep and when waking up, etc.
We ask Allaah to heal him and give you good health.
And Allaah knows best.
Question Date: 2011-06-17
* The views posted are the opinions of the individual author of each posting, and are solely meant for education, discussion, and debate, not for any illegal purpose. The authors are not responsible or liable for the intentional, reckless, or negligent actions of any individual, and we assumes no responsibility for the content of the authors. Thus, the articles and materials posted do not represent, endorse or express the views of Muslims of Calgary or any of its affiliate organizations.
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