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|Dua'a (Prayers) Seeking a Spouse
I have strong feelings toward a specific Muslim sister, can I make dua'a (supplications) asking that she would become my spouse? I don't want to do anything bad.
Praise be to Allaah.
The majority of Maaliki and Shaafa’i fuqaha’, and some Hanbalis, are of the view that it is permissible to say du’aa’ in prayer asking for various worldly needs, which the worshipper wants to ask for and that he needs, such as if he prays to get married or for provision or success and so on.
They quoted as evidence for that the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him), according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught the Sahaabah the Tashahhud, then he said at the end of it: “Then let him choose whatever supplications he wishes.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5876) and Muslim (402).
Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated in al-Musannaf (1/331) that al-Hasan and al-Sha’bi said:
Ask during your prayer for whatever you want. End quote.
It says in al-Mudawwanah (1/192):
Maalik said: There is nothing wrong with a man praying for all his needs in the prescribed prayers, for his needs in this world and in the Hereafter, when standing, sitting and prostrating. He said: Maalik told me that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: I heard from him that he said: I ask Allaah for all my needs when praying, even for salt. End quote.
It was also narrated from Imam Ahmad – that it is permissible to say du’aa’ asking for one’s worldly needs, and it is permissible to say du’aa’ asking for one’s worldly needs and pleasures, such as saying: O Allaah, bless me with a beautiful wife and a green suit and a comfortable mount and so on. End quote.
Therefore, it is permissible to say du’aa’ in prayer for that which it is permissible to ask for outside of prayer, of religious and worldly matters. So one may say: O Allaah, bless me with good (halaal) earnings, and a child, and a house, and a beautiful wife, describing her, or: O Allaah, set So and so free from prison, and destroy So and so, and the like, and his prayer is not invalidated by any of that.
The point is that there is nothing wrong with saying du’aa’ asking to get married to a particular woman – if she is righteous and good – although it is always better to use concise and eloquent du’aa’s and those that were narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Moreover – although we have ruled that it is permissible for you to say du’aa’ in your prayer asking to get married to a particular woman – we advise you, from a psychological point of view, not to go to extremes in thinking about this matter. Marriage is decreed by Allaah, and by His mercy to mankind He has given them ample provision and made them independent of means, and has not limited marriage to one particular woman, rather He has connected it to conditions of good character and religious commitment, so when these conditions are met, the Muslim should accept it.
The Muslim who believes in the will and decree of Allaah (al-qada’ wa’l-qadar) believes that Allaah is wise in all that He commands and does, and that He may ward off from a person the bad that he wants, strives for and prays for, because He knows that the best is in something else. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know” [al-Baqarah 2:216].
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us Du’aa’ al-Istikhaarah, which means asking Allaah to choose for us that which is best for our religious and worldly interests in all matters, religious and worldly.
This du’aa’ was narrated by Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach us to seek guidance (istikhaarah) in all our affairs, just as he would teach us a Soorah from the Qur’aan. He said: “Whenever any one of you is concerned about a matter, let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer, then let him say: ‘Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmik, wa astaqdiruka bi qudratik, wa as’aluka min fadlik il-‘azeem. Fa innaka taqdiru wa laa aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaamu’l-ghuyoob. Allaahumma in kunta ta’lam anna [haadha’l-amr] khayrun li fi deenee wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri, faqdurhu li, wa yassirhu li, thumma baarik li fih. Wa in kunta ta’lam anna [hadha’l-amr] sharrun li fi deenee wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati ‘amri, fasrifhu ‘anni wasrifni ‘anhu waqdur li al-khayr haythu kaan. Thumma ardeeni bih (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter [ – and he should mention it here]) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the distant future, ordain it for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge (this matter [ – and he should mention it here]) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the distant future, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and ordain for me the good wherever it may be, and make me pleased with it).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1109).
There is nothing which it is more important for both parties to focus on than religious commitment and attitude.
With regard to the husband, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised the guardians (walis) of women:
“If there comes to you one whose attitude and commitment to religion pleases you, then marry him (to your female relative), for if you do not do that, there will be much trouble and corruption in the land.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967)
With regard to the wife, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave the following advice:
“Women are married for four things: wealth, lineage, beauty and religious commitment. Marry the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust! (i.e., may you prosper). (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).
Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: the meaning is that what is appropriate for the man who is religious and chivalrous is that religion must be the ultimate focus in all things, and especially with regard to the choice of a lifelong companion. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to seek a religious woman, since religion is his ultimate goal.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/135).
The slogan of the Muslim in this matter is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in du’aa’ al-istikhaarah: “and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1162).
We hope that this matter will not take up more space in your heart and mind than it deserves. There are many – praise be to Allaah – who are of good character and religiously committed. We ask Allaah to ordain good for you wherever it may be and to make you pleased with what He decrees for you.
And Allaah knows best.
Question Date: 2010-08-22
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