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|Protective Sex & Children
Is it Haram to have protective sex with your husband or wife while your not ready financially and mentally for children?
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no harm to use sex protection if there is any need for that and if it does not cause any harm. If there is no need, then it is undesirable to use them since getting children and increasing the number of the Muslim Ummah is one of the main purposes of the marriage.
Know that using sex protection is permissible only by the permission of the wife since she has the right to enjoy sex and to have children.
It is permissible to engage in coitus interruptus if a person does not want a child, and it is also permissible to use a condom, but that is subject to the condition that the wife gives her permission for that, because she has the right to full enjoyment and also to have a child. The evidence for that is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: We used to engage in coitus interruptus at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). News of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he did not forbid us to do that. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 250; Muslim, 160
Although that is permitted, it is nevertheless makrooh and intensely disliked. Muslim (1442) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked about coitus interruptus and he said: “That is the secret burying alive of infants.” This indicates that it is strongly disliked.
Coitus interruptus means intercourse in which, when ejaculation approaches, the man withdraws and ejaculates outside the vagina. It is makrooh in our view in all circumstances and with all women, whether the woman consents to that or not, because it is a means of preventing offspring. Hence in the hadeeth it is called “the secret burying alive of children,” because it cuts off the means of producing offspring, like killing a newborn by burying him or her alive. With regard to it being haraam, our companions said that it was not forbidden…
These ahaadeeth and others, when taken in conjunction, may be understood as meaning that it is makrooh, but not strongly so, and the reports in which permission is given for that may be understood as meaning that it is not haraam; they do not mean that it is not makrooh.
It is better for the Muslim not to do that, unless there is a need for it, such as if the woman is sick and cannot cope with a pregnancy or it would be too difficult for her or would cause her harm. Also, coitus interruptus cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to have a lot of children, and it also means that the woman’s pleasure is incomplete.
This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, who answered as follows:
“This is not forbidden, but it is better not to do this, and to be optimistic and think positively of Allaah [i.e., put one’s trust in Him that the marriage will succeed].”
Having a child might bring the couple together and create deeper ties between them, and bring them both great joy.
Having a lot of children is something that is encouraged in Islam and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) urged Muslims to do that. Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yazaar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784.
Hence the couple should be keen to have a lot of children and be happy about that and show gratitude for the blessing that Allah has bestowed upon them.
It is permissible to delay having children for a certain amount of time if that serves an interest, such as if the woman is weak or sick. But it is not permissible to do that for fear of poverty or for fear of raising the children, because that implies thinking negatively of Allah, may He be exalted.
It says in a statement of the Islamic Fiqh Council belonging to the Muslim World League: The Islamic Fiqh Council affirms unanimously that it is not permissible to limit the number of children in general and it is not permissible to prevent pregnancy if the reason for doing that is fear of poverty, because Allah is the Provider and Owner of great power, and there is no living creature on earth but its provision is due from Allah, or if that is for other reasons that are not acceptable according to sharee’ah.
As for using means of preventing or delaying pregnancy in individual cases where there real and certain harm will result from it, such as if the pregnant woman will have to give birth in a manner other than that which is usual, and she will have to have surgery to bring the child forth, in which case there is nothing in sharee’ah to prevent her doing that. The same applies if it is delayed for other legitimate shar’i or health reasons confirmed by a trustworthy Muslim doctor. Contraception becomes a must in a case where it is proven that harm would result for the mother or there is the fear that she may die, according to the opinion of a trustworthy Muslim doctor. End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/200.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it permissible to use birth control so that a person has a child every five years, because he sees the corruption in society and would not be able to raise a lot of children close in age in this overwhelmingly corrupt society?
He replied: So long as this is the intention, then it is not permissible to do this, because it reflects a lack of trust in Allaah with regard to the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said “Marry the one who is loving and fertile…”
But if the birth control has to do with the condition of the woman – because she cannot cope with repeated pregnancies – this may be permissible, but it is better not to do it.
It is permissible to use condoms and withdrawal, i.e., ejaculating outside the vagina, on condition that you ask your wife's permission to do that, because she has the right to pleasure and to have a child.
The evidence that withdrawal is permissible is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah who said: We used to engage in ‘azl at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). News of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (and peace of Allah be upon him) and he did not forbid us to do it.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5209) and Muslim (1440).
The husband does not have the right to do that without the consent of his wife, because of what has been stated above.
If he insists on his attitude even though you want a child, then he is doing wrong, but you should not respond to his action by refusing to share his bed, because two wrongs do not make a right. Al-Bukhaari (3237) and Muslim (1736) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’”
So do your duty and ask Allah for your rights. Be patient and seek reward with Allah, and continue to advise him and do not ask for divorce. Rather you should protect your home and your family, and pay attention to raising your children. Ask Allah for righteous offspring, for if it is decreed that a child should be born, that will not be prevented by withdrawal, condoms or anything else.
Ahmad narrated from Jaabir with regard to withdrawal that he said: I used to withdraw from her -- meaning the slave woman – and and have intercourse with, and she bore a child. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If Allah decrees that a soul should be created, then it will come into existence.”
And al-Bukhaari (5210) and Muslim (1438) narrated that that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri said: We captured some female prisoners and we engaged in coitus interruptus, then we asked the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) about that and he said to us: “Do you do that? Do you do that? Do you do that? There is no soul that is to exist, until the Day of Resurrection, but it will come into being.”
And Allaah knows best.
Question Date: 2011-11-07
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